I was making the bed this morning, my mind a battlefield of conflicting illusions, when a thought dropped in: you don't have to listen to any of this, it's just the mind.
For a moment the whole landscape shifted like a computer desktop, to my left. All the dark fears, the scrabbling strategies, the circular obsessions, all of it dropped away the minute I saw it for what it was. This is the part of my mind I can't rely on to tell the truth, this is the destructive, shape shifting, obfuscating, fear based monster, the Romney in my mind.
Here's how I'd behave if I listened to the Romney in my mind:
I'd increase my defenses. I'd suspect everything 'other'. I'd close down, shut myself in, stop listening to the world out there.
I'd sever relationships because I felt threatened. I'd boast and swagger and lie about my achievements because I felt small.
I'd stop caring about anyone else but myself. I'd be focused on my survival, the survival my fear tells me is alternately marginal or needs to be in the face of everyone else.
I'd start fights because I felt the swing again, the flop between 'I'm so great, don't mess with me’ and the ‘I'm so tiny and irrelevant I need stacks of cash and power to protest my enormity’.
I'd let people fend for themselves, after all, hadn't I had to scrabble and fight?
I'd be unable to see a reality out there because my Romney was in the way. I'd be inside counting all my money, grateful that some of us had spine, happy to share My Romney with others through a process of persuasive democratization.
I'd stomp out into pristine nature and challenge it, shaking my enormous fist at the girly trees and glorious vistas. Why are you out here? I'd shout. Why are you not fuel for my commute, cash in my pocket? It would take a very brief moment, this face off, before I moved right in to rape and pillage.
I'd say ‘I’ a lot and reward those who agreed with me and punish those who didn't. I'd have no idea what a womb was, a place for something other than myself? It's an empty space and therefore, fair game. I'd conquer it because that's what you do with spaces where Romney is not.
I'd use people without thinking. I'd have no idea why else they'd be there cluttering up my Romney reality.
Soon there would be only Romney in my mind, nothing else, no more tension left, and then, when I am ruler of the world, I’ll see little point in examining anything I do because me and God, we don't need nobody, nobody but me.